Slightly over a year ago from today, my husband and I ate at a birthday dinner with my in-laws. When asked about my job, I had the opportunity to describe my work on MaryLovestheUK.com, and the subjects I write about. For, I had then recently quit my position in retail due to needing to address my mental health.
The woman, who had a far more lucrative position in the Bay, proceeded to ask prying questions into my humble blog. Both my husband and I received the impression her curiosity stemmed more from mockery than genuine interest. For what kind of person does it take to respect simple, honest writing? Someone who loves God.
I, sadly enough, also struggle to respect lowly positions with low wages. Though I love God, my pride and my ego hated working at the retail position. As a result, given my mental condition, it had driven me completely over the edge. The voices had mocked me for years, and eventually the tears had begun streaming down my face uncontrollably.
And what did my employer have to say? She provided me with a warning and told me I was unprofessional. So, I quit. Plain and simple. I never wanted the job to begin with, so I wasn’t going to fight for a job I didn’t want. The choice had been easy.
Naturally, most people with my mental condition cannot afford to simply quit their jobs. God has blessed me with a family, both parents and a husband, who make just enough of an income where we can all get by. And I try to help with online money opportunities. But, in all reality, most people with schizophrenia never attain great job opportunities. And I’m no different.
So, if my reader has managed to make it this far, please understand that I write for the sake of writing. People may encourage me to write about my faith, or my interest in British fandom, but I write because I enjoy the process. And if a reader stumbles across my blog and finds an article of interest, awesome! But, I realize I shall never make a proper living as a blogger, and I will accidently (or intentionally, given my state of mind) insult and anger some people. But I write merely for writing’s sake.
Please accept my apologies for when I write in anger. I do sometimes stress over if I have written inappropriately. And when I think I have, I do apologize and hope to receive forgiveness. For I had to forgive the woman, because she didn’t know my situation or condition. And even if she had, God still expects His followers to forgive as we have been forgiven. So, I shall try, succeeding only with God’s help.
From this point forward, I will write on what currently interests me. This shall be a personal blog. For, though I long to write about the great complexities about my faith, the reality is that I have little desire to do much of anything these days, and my anxiety over my voices is large and cumbersome. Thank you for your patience and understanding.